caps lock

2010-07-08T23:11:00.000-07:00

SO MUCH TO WRITE. SO LITTLE TIME.

it's ten thirtaaay and my dad's set a strict bedtime @ 11:30

this is a post I really don't want to rush, but I haven't been feeling in the mood to write this in the past few days, and the mood finally struck.

okaysoi'lljustspititoutfirstthenelaborate.

I'm quitting this blog

...and starting a new one.

I've been thinking about this for a pretty long time, way back at the end of may.

Remember my posts about blogger not being the right medium? I still think it is. Wordpress/Tumblr aren't really my cup of tea.

Let's rewind back to my first post (can you imagine it's only 3 weeks away from the one-year mark?)

to quote myself:

"Where is this blog headed towards? Honestly, I don't have a clue. Oh, I imagine it'll have a few snatches of teenage angst, highlights of my high school days, random musings about everything and anything, and simply just the bits & pieces of my life. I'm warning you, though - this blog will pms. I can be whimsical, practical, serious, lighthearted, sarcastic, et cetera."

Poor me. I had no idea what was going to hit me.

But let's focus on the 'where is this blog headed towards omg i have no idea' part.

After a year and 209 posts, I think I have some sort of direction now.

My main point is that now (and have wanted to for awhile) I'm going to start blogging for me.

Isn't that what I'm doing now? No.

Yes, I write what I want, how I want, etc, and even with my rants and all...I still feel like I'm not writing what I want to write.

This brings me to my next big point which is...

I'm going comment-less.

Again, something else I've thought about for a long time.

It's not censorship or zomg I'm so fabulous/melodramatic and I'm honestly going to miss getting comments,

but to go along with the previously stated, I'm blogging for me now. Part of "blogging for me" means writing about things I usually don't talk about (even in this blog), both pretty and ugly. Especially the ugly -- my current rants don't really cut it. That's a main reason that propelled me to want to create a new blog.

I guess what I'm trying to say is my main reasons for losing the comments:

-I'm going to focus completely on me; urgh keep on repeating this to try to get my point across, but you get what i mean, right? ....right? :<
Ooh. Like things only relevant to me. Things people who are NOT me aren't necessarily interested in? Oh god, that's not much better. moving on

-I love getting comments, but as part of the whole thing about me...I don't want feedback? Many posts are probably going to more serious in tone & about life, so...I guess all this self-discovery jazz involves just me.

-And especially with my rants, I've learned that...the comments on them usually don't really make you feel better (especially with really tactless, insensitive remarks. austin? jason? ahaha it's cool i love you guys) and I feel like there's no really point to getting comments on those type of posts. Rants are just...rants.

I know I sound completely conceited right now, but I hope you get that this whole "blogging for me" isn't supposed to be like that = =

I considered going completely anonymous because I don't want this to be like "my life is soooo fabulous that you just need to come read about me"...but then I realized it's the internet. Hello, privacy. And I don't have anything to hide. Plus, it's a good way to stay connected :D

OKAY I swear I'm not doing this because I'm an attention-whoring drama queen :x

But wow.

I guess this is goodbye, caps lock? It was fun.

It's 11:11 now. Time to hit publish.
Good night! :)

i'll see you guys at tyexpress.blogspot.com
hugs & kisses,
Tanya

some kickass music, please

2010-07-08T14:41:00.000-07:00

just because :)

2010-07-06T21:13:00.001-07:00

i've heard this used so many times i'm still trying to figure the first time i heard it...

2010-07-04T14:04:00.000-07:00

my new favorite song. no, seriously

i sub to mysteryguitarman on YT, and he sent us to that video. i know, my first reaction was:
"...
...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

yesterday we had a family friends party, and i made the mistake of showing this song to one of them, thus causing the song to get stuck in my head after numerous replays.

full version :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQAKRw6mToA

it's going in my ipod.

2010-07-02T16:55:00.001-07:00

16 new transformice maps :D

don't worry, if i sound obsessed, it's because my parents have announced that all this "fun and games" will officially be over once the july 4th weekend passes.
then i have to do something with my life. joy.

2010-06-30T20:03:00.000-07:00

toy story 3 was sooo good; amazing, even.
a wonderful example to set for "sequels"
it surpassed my expectations even though i thought it'd be really good...

i started tearing up a little at the end :p

the difference a coat of paint makes...

2010-06-29T22:23:00.001-07:00

http://www.letscolourproject.com/

2010-06-29T22:17:00.001-07:00

http://yuumei.deviantart.com/journal/33208610/

2010-06-27T18:45:00.000-07:00

birds' nests

2010-06-27T13:24:00.000-07:00

my mum just spent $1000 buying this:

it's for my great-uncle in china who has stomach cancer and had to stop chemo therapy after 4 out of 6 treatments. they're worth about $16-20 apiece, and in chinese culture i hear about their healing properties for really, really weak people a lot...but i've never seen them in person.

2010-06-25T21:12:00.000-07:00

singing starts at 00:59

2010-06-25T20:08:00.001-07:00

"everything in moderation. even moderation."

transformice ♥

2010-06-24T10:35:00.000-07:00

^made me lol so hard. it sums up the game quite accurately

http://www.mygaming.co.za/news/features/6444-Free-game-pick-Transformice.html

i've been playing for hours and hours since i was introduced to it last wednesday (thank you austin)

but Kotaku just had to feature it...causing an influx of players onto the servers.
aaand i'm currently languishing without my daily fix of transformice because i can't get on :|

anyway go play (if you can get on)
i'm in as Bijou, so friend me :)

EDIT: I GOT IN I GOT IN I GOT IN YESSSS HALLELUJAH

this is also pretty awesome

2010-06-15T22:22:00.001-07:00

http://www.rivelazioni.com/flash/effetto_500x150.swf

astronaut icecream!

2010-06-15T20:25:00.000-07:00

my mom picked some up at the JPL store before she left work today :D
it has a chalky texture and melts in the mouth; doesn't taste too shabby...

really cool

2010-06-13T22:18:00.001-07:00

http://www.zefrank.com/scribbler/scribblertoo/

2010-06-12T13:12:00.000-07:00

oh, malfoy.

oOoOoOo

2010-06-10T17:50:00.001-07:00

i'm loving these new templates that came out
they're cute

2010-06-09T15:22:00.000-07:00

i'm in love with the harmony

it's almost magical how music can calm you down when you're so angry you could spit.

so i found the most hilarious joke ever

2010-06-07T18:18:00.000-07:00

There were two cats, a French one and an American one.
The French cat was called Un, Deux, Trois cat
and the American one was called One, Two, Three cat
There was a swimming competition and they both swam across the river - who won?

The American cat because Un, Deux, Trois, Quatre, Cinq.
:D
:D
:D
:D
:D

no?

2010-06-05T16:57:00.001-07:00

i know that i'm going post-happy, but i swear this one's the last one today :)

2010-06-05T15:58:00.000-07:00

finals ended yesterday.
hah, AHSians.
ahsians. asians. ha ha.
-bricked-

but uh.
expect a very lengthy summer post sometime in the near future.

my parents are racist

2010-06-05T15:56:00.000-07:00

today, at breakfast.

mom: you have a physical on thursday. they're gonna want you to take that shot for STD protection, so just tell them you don't need it.

me: obviously, since i'm not sexually active.

mom: so, you don't need it.

me: exactly. i don't need it/am too lazy to take it, but i guess they want you to, in case you get raped or something.

mom: -completely ignores what i just said- well those mexican and black girls should take it, starting to have sex so early in their teens sheesh no shame -ramble ramble in chinese-

me: wow

my parents really love to generalize things. classic example: "at your age, american/white families already make their kids do such and such etc...we're too nice to you guys"
sigh.

2010-06-03T18:10:00.001-07:00

2010-05-31T20:34:00.000-07:00

I think the trailer's a bit misleading towards the plot...but that's better than having the whole movie explained through the trailer right?
I'm really a simpleton when it comes to which movies I like, so I think it's awesome. I'm usually not too picky about things critics love to point out, so 90% of the time I end up liking the film. Plus, I love things to do with time (hello, HP prizoner of azkaban), flashy fight scenes, and magic!

Like most fantasy movies, it has its cliches - but PoP employs them well. I loved the witty banter between the main characters and how Tamima not only talks the talk but walks the walk.

Nice visuals, also. Lots of epic music/scenes.

Did I mention that Jake Gyllenhaal is hot?

Um, yeah. -Whistles-

ANYWAY. I think it's pretty good for a video game adaptation. Nowhere near oscar-worthy obviously, but enjoyed watching it

Quoting Rotten Tomatoes, who gave it a 40% - "It doesn't offer much in the way of substance, but Prince of Persia is a suitably entertaining swashbuckler -- and a substantial improvement over most video game adaptations."

Mm. I would be a shitty movie reviewer, but I'd say it's worth a watch nonetheless

2010-05-30T00:35:00.001-07:00

SO UH.
i just came back from wasting my day productively/watching prince of persia.
my parents are yelling at me to go sleep now, so blog tomorrow i shall.

bon soir, mes amis!

2010-05-29T12:27:00.001-07:00

LOL
LOL
LOL

my sister just introduced me to this game:
http://games.adultswim.com/robot-unicorn-attack-twitchy-online-game.html

it's so flamboyantly "gay"...but extremely addicting
enjoy.

2010-05-28T22:28:00.000-07:00

2010-05-28T14:11:00.001-07:00

yay

2010-05-28T00:08:00.001-07:00

i didn't study.
:D

nope, didn't feel like it.

ENGLISH FINAL TOMORROW

2010-05-27T15:25:00.000-07:00

oh lordy.

prayformekthxbai.

2010-05-25T22:05:00.001-07:00

1:30

2010-05-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

I still haven't spent my christmas/new years' money (not that much, around $100)...

Wishlist off the top of my head:
-Wacom Bamboo Tablet
-SLR camera. I'll need to do more research on that. Everyone raves about the Nikon D60, but I want something that will last me well into college and all the Nikon D[insert number]s go WHOOSH over my head right now. Plus I'll have to add the extra, what? $500? from my own savings.
-quality pair of headphones. again, need more research.

I know these are all materialistic desires, hehe, but I've actually put some thought into these. I'm kind of leaning towards the camera because I've been wanting a good one for awhile...

So what shall it be, folks? Suggestions?

2010-05-23T10:18:00.001-07:00

10 days
10 days
10 days
10 days
10 days
10 days
10 days
10 days
10 days
10 days
10 days
10 days
10 days
10 days
10 days
10 days
10 days

EEEEEEEE.

2010-05-21T22:14:00.000-07:00

BEST. NAP. EVAR.
back to sleep again in an hour or so.
starting from sunday, i haven't slept before 1am the whole week.

blog later, i shall.
final numero one is already next friday! holy shit
then finals week...
...one or two chill days the week afterward
..then school's basically out.

it's like i've been drowning, passed out, and now am being washed towards a shore. where my miraculous princely savior (aka summer break) shall pump life into me, and we shall live happily as vagabonds for the rest of our lives. yes

2010-05-18T20:00:00.000-07:00

ASJDKJSASIDAJS
GOD, SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

...is what i'd love to say.
but that obviously is not going to fly with the rents, so i'll just make do with my current iPod + 80% volume (bleeding eardrums, whoo). isn't it an interesting concept how loud music can act as a mute?

okay, back to homework.

2010-05-17T06:51:00.000-07:00

err yes, 2 hours of sleep.
that'll teach you to put it off.

i am so so so so very tired.
BUT I JUST FINISHED THE GODDAMN ODYSSEY ESSAY (excusez-moi, monsieur, for my french)
about two weeks late :)

but finished nonetheless.
FINALLY
FINALLY.
ugh i almost can get the odyssey essay out of my hair. when finals are over, my mum's letting me burn the book. don't worry, i'm not a pyro. i just have a deep and passionate hatred for the book. i'll get into that later.

but um, seeing how i'm typing this on my sister's laptop (my parents think i've been asleep since 11pm. sigh), i might as well make something useful out of this time since going to sleep now would be pointless. though maybe i should go shower in a few minutes...i'll cut this short and save the sweet parts for later.

anyway long story short, this paper was due last last tuesday, i believe. that's when i had a fever/big meltdown numero dos and was sick for two days. jsalskdjf;laksjd;lfkja;sldkj;l
i was really busy over the weekend, the following week, but the main problem was i just. couldn't. do it (like a mild form of OCD?) i guess it has to do with the v rant down there, but it was a pretty big mental barrier :|
i'd literally type a shitty paragraph or two, delete, type, delete, type, delete, type, delete. i actually spent an hour doing nothing but staring at the word document. seriously
but mental things are just worse the more you avoid them, right? yup
so last thursday (note: not last last thursay, the week it was due) my english teacher emailed my parents (cc'd to my dean. ugh don't even go there. i'll talk about that some other time) about how it was already three days late even with an extension, and that i could turn it in the next day 22% off of the 100 points or 25% for monday. two extra days for 3% less? i'll take it. SO ANYWAY.
out of a fit of frustration i restarted my entire essay on saturday :)

spent most of my sunday doing homework and started working on my essay at 12. slept from 2-4, then worked until 6 or so.

i frankly don't really give two shits about my grade :/
i know i should care, but i'm too tired to.
(though i ought to cut down on my profanity :p)

ANYWAY i'll save you from having to read the ramblings of a sleep-deprived madman (what else is new, huh?)

i shall rant at a later time.
au revoir mes amis!
wish me luck in this hellhole we call school

2010-05-17T01:44:00.000-07:00

aiya
not again -__-
two more weeks until finals...
...
...

2010-05-16T13:12:00.001-07:00

because i've been to lazy/busy to take vitamans, my mom bought me these:

I think I've already OD'd on them

and hour later...

2010-05-13T20:45:00.001-07:00

i swear, i must be bipolar.
this song just cheered me up considerably. and it's not even really related...
BLAH.

rant no.2348923472973491

2010-05-13T19:31:00.001-07:00

i honestly hate myself right now :)

how shocking

my 80% in english has now been promoted to a C, yay!

my english teacher completely hates me now (no, i'm not being oversensitive), and my parents have been going batshit on me.

i don't even know why i try to explain myself, cause they don't even try to understand what's going on.

"you can't handle the stress -> we ought to send you back to arcadia" if only life were that simple.

i've lost faith in a (different) teacher that i thought i could count on, which is really quite sad.

lots of people in my grade, well, suck. i like the upperclassmen a ton more. maybe it's because they're more mature, but i honestly think the overall quality of their classes is better.

-goes to sit in emo corner-

no, but really.

i'm just SO SICK of everyone judging me the wrong way and sick of me for giving them enough evidence for to do so. what a hypocrite that must make me

let's make a list, shall we?

sick of running away/facing my problems

sick of having no motivation whatsoever

sick of getting the situation to this point even when i promised myself not to.

sick of feeling like "screw it" towards most things

sick of those who think they can preach to me (i'm talking to you, CL) about my life when you don't know shit about me. or are even friends with me

sick of my parents analyzing me like they're psychologists, loudly so that i can hear them, then calling me out for having "bad attitude" when i tell them that i can hear them, you know.

sick of my parents, period.

sick of my family and shitty communication.

sick of double standards

sick of waking up with puffy eyes

sick of being tired

sick of how my life has started to revolve around school

sick of being told what to do

sick of my grade dean for thinking she knows me soooo well.

sick of my life (no, i'm not suicidal)

sick of school (no, it's not only because i'm "stressed" out)

sick of freshman year

sick of my class

sick of those immature [insert extremely insulting expletive] in my math class who have disrupted class ALL year. especially when they tell everyone in the class "shhh" really, now?

sick of everyone and everything. including myself

sick of hating myself

sick of hating things

sick of being told, "only one more month until school ends." each day is a friggin eternity

...and so on.

i'm not crazy, you know. (although you'd probably expect me to end this post with "goodbye, cruel world") hah. at least i still have some sarcasm.

but i'm not stressed out because "i can't take this anymore." well, that's true. but it's more like "you've stretched me, and my mental rubberband has snapped." there's actually a difference if you think about it.

if i could be given anything in the world right now, it would be just a quiet room. or a garden.

and just let me be. do nothing, and breathe.

i really want summer to come.

very hypocritical of me/in contrast to everything i've just written, but i want to get off my ass and do things this summer...but that's a different subject rant that i'll save for later.

i feel bad for the people who are trying to help me in their own way....

i've been told "just do it" a million times, but i've been already been pushed beyond having even an ounce of motivation to.

blah.

everytime i write a rant, i say i'm not going to publish it, or that i'll delete it later.

whatever :/

it doesn't make me feel better to publish it, but i'd feel cheated if i deleted it.

i really more of an angsty teen than i'll ever admit, heh :p

haiku

2010-05-12T03:50:00.000-07:00

should not be awake
'tis an unholy hour
i still have more work.

yay

2010-05-09T12:14:00.000-07:00

there are lots of things i'm thankful towards my mom for.
one thing around the top of the list is miscarrying a boy that would've been three years older than me.

you see, my parents only planned to have two kids, so in other words...
i'm glad you died, bro :D

loljk.
but i'm also glad my mom put up with all the morning sickness and a baby ripping out of her uterus before the doctors could come (<- true story, mang) to give me a chance to experience life on this wonderful (albeit shitty) world.

happy mothers' day!

2010-05-04T00:55:00.001-07:00

just this close to completely not giving a fuck about my grades anymore

sigh

2010-05-02T23:05:00.000-07:00

http://yuumei.deviantart.com/journal/31928904

but i'm glad scholastic finally acknowledged it on the official fb fan page.
this girl's artwork/stories are beast. reading the flames on kasey's DA gives me a sense of satisfaction.

not to sound bloodthirsty or anything, but i guess the issue touched one of my nerves. big pet peeve = stolen credit.

2010-04-27T20:33:00.001-07:00

2010-04-25T22:43:00.000-07:00

everyone knows her for "everytime we touch," but i've always liked this one better. i like to listen to songs to fit my own context/situation, so it's got nothing to do with love :P

2010-04-25T17:30:00.001-07:00

i'm failing english and math :D

keeps me going

2010-04-15T20:29:00.000-07:00

it's hard not to feel uplifted after listening to this song :)
i'm in love with this song at this moment

2010-04-14T23:51:00.000-07:00

recently, i've been feeling so superficial. i don't know why.
but lots of stupid/sarcastic/shallow/stuffy things seem to come out of my mouth, and the way i interact with a certain few individuals has been frustrating.

why can't i just say the right things? :/

just remembered now

2010-04-14T20:25:00.000-07:00

yesterday i had the a very disturbing dream. my sister was stoned. she offered me weed. i said no. she told me where i could hide it, then opened her clothes drawer. it smelled like weed.

then the weird thing was i actually smelled the weed and felt this disgusting yet addicted "going under feeling" (what i take to be mildly stoned) simply from smelling it. kind of like this invisible, subtle, yet forceful wave pushing you down. i felt this moment of panic like "shit, wtf am i doing to myself" but it was too late to unsmell it, and i went under. kind of like a calm headache

^note: all a dream. don't arrest me for talking about illegal substances :(

i was quite disturbed when i woke up .__.

because although i've never gone anywhere near any form of illegal drugs (and never plan too), somehow i got this feeling that that sensation i experienced/smelled was like the real deal. by the way i described it, doesn't it sound vaguely familiar to the generalizations we non-stoners hold about smoking that stuff?

is it possible to even know what something smells like when you've never smelled it? even weirder, i don't remember smelling it or the exact feeling of going under, but i remember experiencing it.

aiii. i must be going crazy.

anyway, on the topic of drugs, a song a like
though here, drugs = allegory for love, so don't get the wrong impression of me :)

2010-04-11T14:37:00.000-07:00

in a good mood ♥

HEAR YE HEAR YE

2010-04-08T18:13:00.000-07:00

you frequenters of my blog - lurkers, that means you too :)

make a list of your favorite songs (or "pieces" if you're talking classical music). it can be five, it can be a hundred. post it right here, right now.
i'd love to listen (+add to ipod) to some new music, and i'm pretty open minded when it comes to genres. as long as it's not screamo/hardcore rap/sexbootydrugsasspenis songs.

i usually decide whether or not i like a song the first one or two listens, so it would be nice of you to add a youtube link for each song (you don't have to, though). merci beacoup mes amis ♥

OH. and if you have a favorite artist just give me a few favorites. i prefer a variety of artists :)

i love my friends

2010-04-05T22:23:00.000-07:00

LOL
LOL
LOL.
okay i promise to take this down later.
but HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA
this picture is totally not weird
~~blackmail~~
jk ♥

toy story 3

2010-04-05T21:31:00.003-07:00

go watch trailers 1 & 2.
andy's going to college D:

but i love ken LOL.

good lord

2010-04-05T20:31:00.000-07:00

declan, like justin bieber, sounds like a girl.
unlike justin, the age at which he sang this is younger.
oh, and i forgot. he can actually sing.

his voice makes me go .__. amazing.
i love how clear it is

for old times' sake

2010-04-04T13:46:00.000-07:00

after quitting for about a year to transition into high school, i've started playing maplestory again. not in a hardcore, no-life way or anything, but just rekindle my old fondness for the game.

and i've been downloading music - shhh - recently to put into my new ipod (seeing how most of my files are on my broken XP computer). so everyone has those songs that trigger specific memories & feelings for them, and i came across some while writing a list of what to download.

i know it sounds totally sad to say that i've made a lot of good memories from playing an online game, but it's true. these songs remind me of the simpler days i had as a 5th grader when i first started playing & those balmy saturday mornings i'd wake up before everyone in the house to go downstairs & level up. and when the game itself was rather simple compared to all the gaudy additions, more job classes, new areas, etc. of the present. when my friend list was full of awesome people to talk to (no, not in that creepy "talking to strangers online"; we never talked about personal info), when the overall quality of players was better, and even details like the old cursor or starter eye color. when my main goal was just to get to level xx. when everything was simpler.

i guess i associate much of my game memories with their parallels in my late elementary school days. ahhh. but listening to these two songs always make my heart ache a little, both in a good & bad way.

^this one's actually an in-game background song

but uh. another trip down memory lane :)

def poetry

2010-04-03T12:14:00.000-07:00

i don't get poetry. i can't write it for my life, and when i read it, i'm like wut. so yesterday poly's club latino unidos had poet Mayda Del Valle (who performed at the white house! (: ) come in & speak for our long assembly. i though, ooh yay time to take a nap in the auditorium. but damn. she is beyond amazing. i literally got goosebumps. after her first piece (she said that she was inspired while checking the ethnic boxes for the census because of her puerto rican "a little bit of everything" roots)-

- she was like, "I bet you guys are going, 'so it's this kind of poetry.'" ahahaha.
here are a few other pieces she did for us:
the videos do absolutely no justice compared to her live, especially her amazing voice.

"Mami's Making Mambo"

"Tongue Tactics"

"A Faith Like Yours"

"The Gift"

"El que no Habla"

it was cool how she gave an anecdote before each poem , like having an inspirational speaker/singer/poet/rapper all in one.
i loved the background she gave before "El que no Habla" about how there will always be people there to limit you, saying that you can't make a living out of doing something you're passionate about. "they're just trying to get you to join their pity party, because they're too scared to do so themselves. so give them a kleenex, but don't listen to them."
& also how she learned to "speak" and have her loud voice despite her height/petite frame/baby-of-the-family status.

looove ♥

my new baby

2010-04-01T19:02:00.000-07:00

this isn't an april fool's joke btw (no point in it being one...)

but i'm really happy i finally have an mp3 player so i can not look awkward while waiting for someone in public haha. pluuuus it's red, which is insanely awesome.

it's only 6 am

2010-04-01T06:36:00.001-07:00

and I've already been rickrolld -__-

happy fool's guys!

2010-03-25T21:01:00.000-07:00

an awesome movie. (but it makes me even more paranoid about creepers/old men/both)

oh, and did i mention? the protag's bff ronnie (note: ronnie, not his actor aaron yoo.) is super hot LOL. forgive me for being shallow heehee

eeeeeeeeeeee
no? ah psh. he's 28 in the picture though, isn't that creepy.
but his ~~face~~ character makes me happy :)

spring break, mothertruckers! :D

2010-03-22T13:17:00.000-07:00

not to rub it anyone's face (hey, arcadians have it next week? or the week after?)
but this is happiest (and un-sleep deprived) i've been in a while :)

-cue obnoxiously happy music-

caramelldansen ♥

2010-03-21T19:28:00.000-07:00

i think i failed. i shall write a post on that later.
but as i walked out my examiner was like, oh bye, see you next year.

-__-
but thanks to those who wished me luck!

2010-03-21T08:36:00.000-07:00

“When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice."

CM's today.nowhere ready, gotta practice hard; wish me luck!

tanya,

2010-03-19T01:32:00.000-07:00

you and i need to have a very serious talk.
but not now. you're busy NOT procrastinating, okay?
okay. good girl.
go back to writing your paper. school starts in 7 hours, so chop chop.

2010-03-18T19:43:00.001-07:00

i'm probably not going to get much sleep tonight, but that doesn't matter.
because spring break is IN ONE DAY.

2010-03-16T21:13:00.000-07:00

it sucks to hear the truth sometimes, but a good bitch slap from life often does wonders in cutting out the bullshit. excuse my french

spring break in a week.

one more week

2010-03-15T23:36:00.001-07:00

SHIT

2010-03-14T23:30:00.000-07:00

what the hell was is thinking
oh god

♥

2010-03-13T16:18:00.001-08:00

new phrase of the week: "this makes me happy"

2010-03-10T19:57:00.001-08:00

you know, when i'm old, i'm gonna do a bunch of crazy shit. stuff you can do also only when you're little. like shoplift. because when it goes on your criminal record, who cares? don't worry, i'm not developing kleptomaniac tendencies. but it's like. you're going to die anyways. do all that crazy stuff you weren't "allowed" to do when things mattered and you had important things in life to care about. it's the experience, not about object. LOL okay i'll stop explaining now before you misunderstand; i be diggin myself a grave here, aye. but like. wear head-to-toe neon outfits. lots of gaudy clothes. and drive a hummer or a jeep. because when you're young it's looked down upon and then when you're an adult it's called a midlife crisis. oooh yes. i'll be one of those crazy old ladies, provided i live until then. and people will just look at me and be like. old people are entitled to do that stuff and still look cool. booyah

2010-03-10T19:50:00.001-08:00

orisinal.com

2010-03-06T19:29:00.000-08:00

they have the cutest flash games ever
my sister introduced me to it many years back & i love playing them when i'm bored. their music is soo pretty.
go check them out :)

or just for the music: http://www.youtube.com/user/OrisinalMusic#p/u/5/Ec9TAa2QxWU

a few favorites

& i'll stop before i overload this post with videos.
last one- couldn't find a video so just listen to it while playing.
happy gaming ♥

when have time, i'm going to get the sheet music for the piano songs :)

badminton

2010-03-05T23:06:00.000-08:00

i think i'm in love with this sport.
i've been playing for about two weeks since the spring season started (though i've had to skips lots of practices to catch up on stuff) & it's really fun :v

although i still suck, i'm glad to have a tennis background since it really helps with smashes/forehand&backhand/volleys, etc. the wrist movement was surprisingly easy to adjust to (haha, it pissed the hell out of my tennis coach though, since i often was too lazy to swing my whole arm as supposed to) & i'm (also surprisingly) loving the quick paced feeling of having no bounces.

i thought the upperclassmen were really good until we played an away game @ nogales high today. HOLY SHIT. they're amazing. i played two mixed games (girl in front, guy in back) and one female doubles game. c-r-e-a-m-e-d. as in, we scored one-two points on average per game. the first guy we played was a god at smashing. as in. one moment he swings his racquet. next thing i know the birdie is on the ground. QQ

and they're hardcore, man. i heard they're known in the nation for having a good badminton team. poly needs a) kick ass uniforms. or uniforms at least. we walked in wearing gym clothes. b) to learn how to bellow. pre-game team huddle. compare: "POLY!" vs "NOGALES!" i involuntarily shuddered at their volume.
what i loved about the experience was that now i have an idea of something to work towards. i've got 4 seasons. i need start off by improving my serves/footwork.

fufufufu
oh. my only complaint are the twice-a-week games we have. nogales took over an hour to drive to, meaning we left at 3 & game back at 8. the coach won't let us leave until everyone's done -__-

I'M TIRED D:

2010-03-05T22:43:00.000-08:00

fine, so shoot me for liking this song.
though in my defence, i think sgomez has the most talent out of disney's churned out wannabe triple threats.

i'm addicted to the chorus's first line (the rest is a little meh)
you are the thunder, i am the lightning ♥

& thank you rosbump for introducing me to this song. i've been listening to it on loop :)

it's funny. when it comes to music, i generally care far more about how it sounds/the general impression in comparison to the lyrics/meaning. i know that some people are exactly the opposite, or may care about instrumental stuff, etc.

---
on a side nooooote
busy busy weekend. 9 more days until i'm relatively stress free.
my theory exam is tomorrow. not really nervous, but wish me luck anyways! :)

because it's too early to say TGIF...

2010-03-04T21:00:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFYdNuHoG0c

spring needs to come faster!

2010-02-28T19:18:00.000-08:00

this makes me look forward to warm weather, yessir.
i hate the cold :(

wall of text

2010-02-27T23:44:00.000-08:00

i'll probably delete this later?

there are a million things i ~~should~~ need to be doing right now, but i feel like i need to do some mental purging to get things outta my system.
where to begin? let's have the good ol' stream of consciousness take the reigns, shall we?

to put things simply, i am in extremely deep shit right now. rewind back to the beginning of this week.i was still recovering from being sick a few days last week, and i had a lot of stuff to make up. there was this really english bible project that my teacher had asked me to make up over the weekend and i was really too tired to really do anything on sunday (+shitty weekend) so uh. monday was a terrible day, and it was just a struggle to get through it (the only consolation was that we had a sub in english, thank god). things started falling apart after badminton (in which i shall write about later) practice. i'm tired, sore, and mentally exhausted. and yeah. the week went completely downhill after i stayed up until one...

so i ended up staying home tuesday-thursday. yeah, not really an opportune time to but i was a complete mess inside. there were a million things on my mind, and i was so very, very sick of simply the act of getting up every morning and going to school. and sick of high school. i told my parents that i was too tired etc & that i would spend the day catching up on homework. bullshit. i got up each day at 12/1 pm and attempted homework on tuesday. i gave up after five minutes, cause i literally could. not. do it. i kept on thinking, why the hell am i even doing this? i'm tired of getting up everyday, going to classes, doing homework, sleeping, recovering sleep/doing more homework on the weekends, and repeating the process over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. where is the hell is my life? but there'd be this voice that was like "you chose this. you chose to go to poly. you chose to procrastinate. every action you've done since birth in your body is 100% your choice. so suck it up and stop whining." what can i say to that? there's honestly no high school i would rather be at than poly. i'm not really happy here, but going somewhere else just isn't "possible" in my mind. it's weird. i'm not the world's most outgoing person, but i'm usually good with meeting/adapting to new people. the people at poly (i mean as a whole), though, are just.."different." it's something outsiders wouldn't understand unless they went spent some time here. i've tried to describe it, but i can't really pin it down. they kind of live in their own microcosm (or maybe it's just me). i remember spending september in a false sense of happiness. i don't know. mostly everyone is "nice," but i'm stuck in a neutral position. except for a few people, i don't hate or strongly like anyone. it's funny what a different impression i've given my peers compared to last year. sometimes i feel like i have no backbone or have no "soul." another thing i've noticed is that i've gotten considerably quieter at school compared to last year. damn straight. i feel like i'm being suffocated. a self-imposed suffocation. and that was just a fraction of what was on my mind. i spend the majority of the three days thinking about that. and fearing that i'd gradually change and conform (hah, as if i weren't one already) and become a 'poly' kid or w/e. someone you can't really connect with or relate to.

and it wasn't really about school. writing this is making my head hurt, so i'll cut it short. i also spent those three days soaking in major self-hatred. and bashing myself for being such a coward, literally running away from my problems by staying at home. for not sucking it up and being such a victim. for causing things that easily could've been avoided. for being a selfish, spoiled person who breaks down in the face of "trivial" problems compared to those who are genuinely suffering. and a million other problems. although going to school in that state would've been really bad, i don't think staying at home was a much better experience. aye.

fighting a mental battle 24/7 - yes, even during my nightmares- obviously took a toll on my health, and i'm pretty my physical state perfectly mirrored my shitty mental state. like, i looked like complete shit by thursday. my skin broke out like crazy (TMI, i know) and wednesday, i literally stayed up until 3 because i had to literally "think" to clear my head before being capable of falling asleep. yay, insomnia. i kept on bitching to mom about how "i want to die," which is also completely hypocritical and stupid and untrue.

i guess one of things that really broke me down was that i had no one to hold me together or pick up the pieces. my dad kept on making callous remarks about how he was "paying so much money to let me stay at home" and that i might as well "not go to school anymore." <- the nicer comments. fuck you. and even though my mom was well meaning, i don't think she really would get my source of stress. she kept on saying how i didn't have to do everything 100% and that it would be okay to get a B or not do an assignment if it meant getting enough sleep <- which was, um, totally not on my mind i know that even if i spilled all my frustrations to her, she wouldn't get it. just because of our different backgrounds/upbringings/experiences. she wouldn't say words that i need to hear. so even though i knew it wasn't her fault, her "advice" just made me want to scream. also, almost everyone seemed to be having a long week, so i felt obligated not to complain because i wasn't the "only one." it killed me that the people i needed and who "got" me weren't able to be here.

but uh, fast forward to now. there's only so much crying you can do in a week, you know? i've got two long research reports, a huge writing assignment, 50 pages of annotating, a genesis test to study for, and three make-up physics assignments to complete by monday. not to mention how fucking behind i am in math, meaning i'll have to sacrifice several badminton practices for several weeks (which i really need, seeing how we have games coming up) to catch up. oh, and did i mention? my piano CM's are here. my theory test is next week, and i haven't studied yet. i still have two pieces to finish learning within two weeks. and i don't have the fucking time to. my lesson is tomorrow.

i have no right to say 'fml', seeing how a lot of this i could've avoided. i dug myself this grave, and now i have to climb out of it.

i don't like how this post turned out but i'll press publish, seeing how i spent nearly two hours typing it up. okay, i'll go sleep now.
tomorrow, i shall grit my teeth and tough it out. and the two weeks after that.
goodnight guys!

2010-02-26T00:33:00.000-08:00

the women's figure skating long program tonight was amazing. amaazing.
i'm really impressed by how well the first four (funny how they skated in that order consecutively) performed with pressure they were under.

Yu-Na Kim - shit man, world record. the commentators at the beginning were talking about a series of essays she published about the pressure of how if she didn't do well, her country would turn on her. quite a hefty burden to skate with, but totally kicked ass tonight. definitely made south korea proud, yes. LOL even though she was crying afterwards, my dad was making commentary while she was on the podium e.g. -evil laugh- hahaa, i am now above you all, b*tches!

Mao Asada - kind of sad how commentators & reporters seemed to "forget" about her. she landed two frigging triple axels, geez. but yeah, you could tell she wasn't really happy during the ceremony. though i can see where she's coming from -> lots of japanese hating on koreans, and therefore more pressure on her. nonetheless, i think she skated well

Joannie Rochette - dude, MAJOR props to her. her mom passed away four days ago and hell, i don't even know how she managed to pull herself together to skate. totally deserved a spot on the podium for the emotion she put into her performance.

Mirai Nagasu - arcadian pride! it's a pity that the podium is only for three, but again, a well-deserved 4th place. considering all the "omg america's chance at the podium if you perform really really well" that's been put on her, she was surprisingly relaxed/energetic. her smile at the end made me smile :)

all in all, watching all of them skate was really uplifting. just makes you realize how the olympics are more than a competition of athleticism or "who's best," but really also a mental test. these girls' mental strength definitely brightened up my week. kudos to them!

2010-02-24T20:32:00.000-08:00

2010-02-23T19:48:00.001-08:00

this week i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school
i know i sound over dramatic...but i'm not even in the mood for sarcasm :|

it's one am

2010-02-22T01:05:00.000-08:00

and i'm effing exhausted, body & mind.
screw my homework. screw it all

hello, friends.

2010-02-21T20:43:00.000-08:00

it's currently ~~8:40 pm~~ 9:30 and i haven't touched my homework.
my weekend was utter crap and i want to spontaneously combust.

i want to cry out of frustration.
oh wait, i already have
asasjdflkajsd;lfkjasdf jtjkyjfghndgfsfdaasdfadsfdafadhthfghdgfh

tastefully done commercial

2010-02-17T00:21:00.001-08:00

AZN PRIDE

2010-02-16T18:16:00.000-08:00

Both "couples" have amazing stories, & I think the results even out pretty nicely.
Shen/Zhao got the gold they've been chasing for 18 years, if I'm not mistaken. And who doesn't like a love story to add into the mix? Their short program gave them a big cushion to make up for their long program (which was good, but not their best), but all the better to prove their overall quality :)
Pang/Tong's long program ranked higher than S/Z's & was amazing. Although not flawless, it's a performance you know they'll remember for the rest of their lives. If you haven't seen it, go watch it!

Tong kisses the ice, hehe. According to my dad's Chinese websites, at that moment he resisted the urge to kiss Pang. Story goes that they made a promise not to go out with anyone during their partnership (despite their clashing strong characters) & "make it work" if they couldn't find anyone afterward. So apparently now they've officially become "boyfriend and girlfriend." Very, very cute.

On a side note, I think some American commentators ought to be shot for their obnoxiousness. The whole "russian streak ends tonight, huhu" during Smirnov/Kawaguchi's performance...

valentines?

2010-02-11T21:38:00.000-08:00

hellogoodbye, of course :)

anyway, happy early chinese new year's!

2010-02-11T16:21:00.001-08:00

RIP alexander mcqueen.

woot

2010-02-09T21:57:00.000-08:00

finished reading Genesis (for English).
quite a interesting experience compared to my kiddie picture bible.

expect a loong post in the near future. maybe

PSA

2010-02-08T19:53:00.001-08:00

well. i was prepared to be sarcastic, but i certainly didn't see it heading in that direction :)

anyone remember liberty kids? :)

2010-02-07T21:49:00.001-08:00

gurglegfrajkl;asdl

2010-02-03T00:12:00.001-08:00

currently living off of fruit rollups, apples, and oreos for late nights.
kill me now D:

concerned with the rising violence- GRAAH!

2010-02-01T20:20:00.000-08:00

"Today, I was walking by a pond when I saw a small frog. I decided to catch it to get a close look. After I picked it up, I realized that it was not a frog. It was dog shit shaped like a frog. FML"

heeheeheeheehee.

juvenile, but it sure brightens up my hellhole of homework :)

giggity giggity goo

2010-01-31T20:15:00.000-08:00

"women are like apples. the best ones are at the top of the tree. most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. instead, they just pick the rotten apples off the ground that aren't as good - but easier to obtain.

so, the apples at the top think that something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. they just have to wait for the right man to come along - the one who's brave enough to climb to the top of the tree.

and men are like fine wine. they start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with"

very generalized/biased, but i like the logic :)

NOSTALGIA

2010-01-30T18:24:00.000-08:00

i just watched three episodes of the original pokemon series w/ my sister. on VHS. (psst, still two more pokemon vhs's to go through)

HOLY CRAP. major trip down memory lane.
i grew up on vhs's. we own almost all of the disney classics/princess stories on vhs, not to mention all the Kids WB series taped onto spare ones.
and speaking of Kids WB, I remember willingly getting up early on Saturdays (the horror!) to watch the shows before they later went downhill...pretty much the story of my childhood. i was such a little dork <- still am, story of my life :)

ANYWAY.

Pokemon - knew the opening/poke rap/team rocket spiel by heart. AWESOMENESS. barely watched past the episodes w/ the original 150...maybe touched base w/ second gen pokemon like chikorita/ cyndaquil/totodile. then stopped before the johto journeys ended. so i missed all that advanced generation/diamond&pearl/masterballs/aqua vs magma/etcetc crap. but i still say pokemon was better when misty was still part of the original three. OH. and i watched like. the jirachi, entei, & mewtwo movies. i feel lame totally writing this post now, but I shall proceed! :)
Digimon - knew the opening by heart too. bought a coloring book for it. loved it. lots of inside jokes b/w sis & i.
Jackie Chan Adventures - love. especially the crazy uncle's chanting. bonus points - jade was voiced by stacie chan, who went to foothills & was an 8th grader when my sister was in 6th. nice
Yu-Gi-Oh - yup, you guessed it. knew the opening too. very, very awesome. watched religiously before it eventually went downhill.
MegaMan NT Warrior - love again. but i think it was the "last" series i watched before i outgrew kids wb/the shows went downhill. so i have vague memories of it. but it still was great
misc - snatches of Ozzy & Drix, Batman, Teen Titans, Shaolin Showdown, Mucha Lucha, etc.

gtg eat dinner now. heh, my bullets got progressively shorter/rushed. but you don't want to read long reminiscing essays about my life anyway, so i guess it's better this way.

but i have to say. now that i look back on it, kids wb made my childhood pretty dang awesome :)

my palm now is of a purplish tinge

2010-01-28T00:21:00.001-08:00

i spent five minutes trying to wash off the "ink" without realizing it was a bruise.

oi. back to work now. i've had several posts in mind but i'll type them up when i actually am not procrastinating, ff.

general blog :)

2010-01-25T20:15:00.000-08:00

OKAY. so like this morning. as i was getting a bag of sour skits from the vending machine to satisfy my sugar cravings, it got stuck. so being the genius i am, i furiously pounded my palms against the front of the machine. resulting in smashing the padded fleshy part of my right palm (around the base of your thumb, you know?) directly on the edge. smooth. (later, i realized slamming my shoulder against the side of the machine would be much smarter, painless, and ahem, actually would work). it started swelling in english, but it wasn't much of a big deal for the rest of the day. except a few minutes ago i attempted to play piano. it hurts even when i play a fifth. fffffuuuuuuu. but w/e. it'll probably be gone tomorrow.

AND. second semester starts. which means history is replacing my much-loved human development class. it feels like adding on another class, cause human development was basically pass/fail, meaning i always viewed "D period" as like...almost a free. and always cursed wednesdays because i had every other class except for D. but now, but schedule's like...normal. still, i'm taking pacific rim, which focuses on three units - australia, japan, & china. yes, be jealous. i am looking forward to it.

anyway. i got painting as my elective, hells yeah! enameling was my first choice, but everyone wants enameling. the wait list is crazy. i promised myself that sometime in the next few years, i will snag a spot there (6 tries left...)

and uh. the only thing that sucks is that now i have painting Tues & Thurs arts/labs, meaning I'll have to switch my lab day to either monday/wednesday/friday. pleasepleaseplease don't assign it to friday. the kids there are freakin insane (too lazy to recall the whole thing but lemme quickly go off on a tangent. i was making up my missed thurs lab. so i walked in, and the lights were off. the desks were all messed up, and the guys were playing marco polo. on their knees. brandishing meter sticks. and overturned chairs. screaming. and that was the pretty part of it. yeah)

on the bright side, this semester we have no more study hall. BOO FUCKING YEAH. excuse my profanity. but that means two free periods a week. free period = nap time. YESYESYESYESYES I LIKE.

i should start homework now <- probably how i'm going to end a lot of my posts. ciao!

"the only enemy you have is yourself"

2010-01-24T20:07:00.000-08:00

true that!

If I were a boy...

2010-01-24T13:58:00.000-08:00

Note: If you're easily offended and...not perverted at all, you'll probably find this post a bit vulgar. Get over it.

ANYWAY. Inspired by the radio this morning/past "what if" talks with my sister, I decided to compile a list of things I would do if I woke up with a guy's body (besides screaming/the initial freak out). Emphasis on the with, not "in."

1. Check myself out. Ahem
2. Take a piss. No, seriously.
3. Shampoo mohawk in the shower!!
4. Check myself out again
5. Put on a bra. Then realize I don't need one, and celebrate.
6. Take off my shirt in public and whoop loudly
7. Hit on girls just for kicks
8. Strike girly poses/do girly things/wear my clothes and watch in horror how awkward it looks
9. Watch my friends freak out as I tell everything I know about them to their faces. Then reveal my identity.
10. Wear boxers. Proceed to pull my jeans to my thighs and swagger around, feeling like an ultimate douchebag.
11. Propose to a random girl on the street.
12. Arm myself with a camera, set foot into master bedroom, and take snapshot of priceless expressions when my parents see me.
13. Use a public restroom.
14. Use the bushes.
15. If I were older, go to a gay bar. And hit on guys. Really
16. See how much food my stomach can hold.
17. Do a pull up. Admire my (hopefully existent) guns.
18. Get into a fist fight. Or actually get hit back for once after punching someone.
19. Ask my sister to kick me down south to see if it really hurts that bad. Like more than a really bad period cramp. I have my doubts.
20. Hug a guy. Then add the customary "no homo" afterward.
21. Ball tap someone.
22. Cry, realizing that being a guy sucks in the long run. I'm totally not being biased. You know I'm only kidding.

Just a random train of thought :)

huhu.

2010-01-23T20:33:00.000-08:00

i know i've been on a french high of late, but this made me smile :)

"one-fingered salute"? that's sad.

2010-01-20T20:43:00.001-08:00

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE58D2PK20090914